Photo by Claudio Schwarz Purzlbaum on Unsplash

I have counselled many over the past thirty years, as a friend, a lawyer, a corporate counsel, a social worker and recently (5 years) a licensed Counsellor. Over this period, I have seen many (self-included) who don’t really have any control of their lives. The following statement is almost all the time made to me when I first see them: – “I am confused over my relationship, over my job, over my friends, over myself! I don’t know who I am or where I am in life!” I wonder how many times we all have heard these words being uttered by people and indeed ourselves!

We are put into situations we do not sometimes recognize. What we all, at the heat of the moment, don’t realize or don’t want to accept is, that in reality, these are all transitional and will pass. We are often concerned with, what’s life like during this period, before the dark cloud passes? We are concerned or in fact, fearful of questioning ourselves, what if it does not pass?

It’s times like this when we need professional help in a friendly environment. Consoling ourselves that it will pass, is really not a solution is it? It’s very often during this period, that people do things that could either hurt them or others in the short term or long run … only to regret once the storm passes, but then, sometimes a little late.

I have found that in such dark moments, having friends may help. The risk with this is, sometimes, no matter how sincere a friend is, the advice given may be inappropriate, or even cause us to make wrong assumptions, about the situation or worse still about ourselves! Caring and sincere friends may be supportive but may not always provide solutions or relief.

Is there a solution to the satisfactory management of our lives in such dark moments? The good news is there always is, as certainly as dawn will be there every morning. The bad news is that for is long as we don’t understand ourselves, it will be difficult for us to manage ourselves. These are dangerous moments and we need to manage these dark clouds efficiently, and at the onset of such negative feelings.

“I am confused over my relationship, over my job, over my friends, over myself! I don’t know who I am or where I am in life!”. It’s in fact always good to have this feeling from time to time. Surprised? Don’t be, as when I feel this way, it is a warning signal that I’m approaching the chasm of depression, which must be avoided! This is the onset of depression and must be recognized in order to nip it in the bud. Nonsensical as it may sound, one can get addicted to negativism. Do you know of such people?

Here is where a Counsellor can help you reconstruct and “renovate” your life, together with you, building new goals, setting new purposes and motivating yourself, towards rediscovery or discovery as the case may be, of your purpose in life.

The second part of the equation of self-management is that, once we have discovered ourselves, we must maintain the practice of self-audit and taming of our ID or ego. Any lapse in doing so will only cause a relapse, plunging ourselves back into the dark depths of the chasm of depression.

What I do in Social Dynamic Counselling is that together with the Counselee, we do a Life Mapping exercise to recognize where we want to be and where we are, taking the age range from 25 to 80 years. This then takes the nature of an oracle for us. From time to time we must take this oracle out and test where we are on our navigational path through life. Very often we need to recalibrate. It reminds me of my Garmin Navigator, every time I am out of the route, she yells out “recalculating”! This calibration process must be developed to be almost our second nature.

The Counselling methodology of Socio-Dynamic is a four (4) phase one. i.e.

  1. Phase one – understanding yourself through storytelling.
  2. Phase two – understanding the secret of mental management of unsatisfactory mental health.
  3. Phase three– consolidating your newly discovered self with the present.
  4. Phase four – living with your newly discovered self to achieve self-fulfilment, tranquillity and happiness, no matter what the situation is.

These four phases can never come into play if the precondition of mental health is not present. This precondition is, the ability to recognize one’s unhealthy state of mental health and one’s desire to do something constructive towards mending it; seeing a Counsellor is one of the proven effective ways of achieving this end.

Program Administrator at Kassim-Aydin McPherson Consults Sdn Bhd.